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Long Distance Relationship: Positives and Negatives

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Long distance relationship (LDR) is a (romantic, of course!) relationship where the guy cannot deliver a cup cake, fruit salad, ice cream etc to his lady on his way from work or take her out casually on weekends for some grilled chicken and homemade fruit juice simply because the difference in their location doesn’t give room for such outings on a regular basis.

Now, not every so called long distance relationship started off with the aim to be long distance. The search for jobs, educational pursuits, business opportunities, career advancement; a better life basically, has led to many of what started as short distance relationships evolving into long distance.

However, there are long distance relationships that actually started as long distance relationship. These types of relationships begin in form of online or “referral” dating built on the hope that someday they will bring love close or love bring them close, which ever. What a hope!

Long distance relationships might not be highly recommended when marriage is in view but should it be a no, no?

Well, there are different preferences for different people. While many may consider LDR a no, no; others see a massive possibility in it, this is particularly true of people who treasure space in their relationship.

I’ll share on this post what I consider to be the negatives and positives of LDR:

The Negatives

You Don’t Have The Benefit of Physical Presence 

I remember way back in my university days. One hot afternoon, my teeth clattered with cold and my body was so hot that it could heat up a tea cup. I picked up my phone but couldn’t figure out exactly who to call. I lay on my bed shivering away when I heard “knock-knock” on the door. My girlfriend came in like a very present help in my time of need. She came to say hello to me on her way from the grocery shop. Even before I used the drugs she got me, I was already sweating from head to toe. Her presence had such powerful healing effect on me.

You Can’t Share Real Time Moments Together

You both love movies but since he is not available you either go to the cinema alone or in the company of your friends who are with their partners.

There was this beautiful scene in the movie that would have made you rub his head slowly and be like “babe, did you just see that?” alas he is not available. The best you can do is to make a mental note of all the things you’d rather have him do with you physically and try to reproduce them when next he calls. Two problems with that: (1) You won’t be able to present the bottom-pot of the whole experience (2) even if you manage to, it would have lost all so much steam that it’s not as exciting as the original experience.

Long Distance Relationship
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Lack of Deep Level Knowledge of Your Partner

It is said that you can never fully understand human beings even after living together for years. If that is true, where, then, is the place of planning a future with someone you don’t know beyond the face you see on Skype or the voice you hear on the phone, who wouldn’t bring his A personality to impress a potential partner when talking on the phone?

It’s safer, before laying claim to knowing someone, to at least have seen them severally how they react when offended, when happy/excited, or when sad; the real personality comes to the fore in situations like that and a long distance relationship doesn’t give room for such.

It Could Be a Breeding Ground for Infidelity

Married couples who live under the same roof still battle infidelity how much more a guy and a lady who are still seeing what will become of their relationship.

This particularly applies to relationships where one of the partners had to move to a different location and the other is unhealthily jealous. Every missed call, every unreplied message, and every voice in the background becomes a potential cause of argument.

It Gives Room For Deception

This is true of relationship founded and built upon the perceived online personality. While some people are not different in reality from what they are online many actually give a false impression of their real life self. He could be an Ajegunle girl having the appearance of a Lekki girl or and Iyana Ipaja guy with the swag of an Islander. If an online relationship must grow, believing must be accompanied by seeing, to avoid stories that touch the heart.

High Cost of Keeping in Touch

Keeping in touch is the life source of every relationship. Normally, it takes a great deal of time and money to maintain a functional relationship however this cost crosses to a higher side when it comes to a long distance relationship. A speaker was once asked her take about long distance relationship and she subtly replied “I have nothing against LDR, just that MTN and GLO that will tell you”. It cost money to buy data anytime but it cost even more in a relationship where keeping in touch means spending data and airtime.

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The Positives

  1. Being in love could be so engrossing that partners no longer know how to live independently. In such cases, a long distance relationship, particularly the type that came about as a result of temporary relocation gives room for both parties to grow together again, individually.

 

  1. Long distance relationship could serve as litmus test for the marriage life where work might periodically require the couple to be apart from time to time

 

  1. Long distance relationship could serve as an avenue to strengthen communication between the two parties and to enhance individual communication skills as the gulf in location requires every emotion to be packed into voice to get them communicated. And that, my friend, is a skill that only radio broadcasting teaches.

 

  1. Long distance relationship eradicates all sorts of unnecessary emotional distractions as the partners would not have the chance to be checkmating each other’s countenance and every move and getting worked-up over nothing.

 

  1. It helps to evaluate individual emotional maturity and sense of judgment as every disagreement would have to be resolved without the advantage of physical presence and body language.

What do I think about LDR?

With one of my love languages being Quality Time, I will go for a short distance relationship anytime any day as against going into a LDR from the onset.

However, we’ve seen that there are relationships which started off as close but became LDR overtime owing to the search for a better life. With integrity and trust in place distance is just another word. So, you weigh both sides of the matter and go with what’s best for you and your relationship.

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Let’s know what you think about long distance relationship, kindly share your views in the comment section.

10 COMMENTS

  1. Thanks a lot sir, I also share your great view on LDR. Long Distance Relationship can actually be so stressful and drain someone mentally, emotionally, and materially(cash). There will be some time in your life that all you need is just a kiss on the forehead and all the pains are gone but you can’t do that through text or phone calls. No matter how you try to care or love, the other partner might not get the true message or picture all time like when really tired and all you need is a rest and her call comes in and you said that to her, she probably will feel you with someone else that can be avoided through SDR. The truth is that there will alway be inbalance in terms who call or text most and been appreciative about ones effort toword the growth of the relationship which can bring another topic of disagreement. Trust is another factor that can militate against LDR, no matter how you been together before distance set in, and what now happen from there onword they start reading meanings to those attitude like is he/she tired of me or seeing someone else, when such feeling start setting in it will definitely wear them down. So Short Distance Relationship (SDR) is it for me. As one will be able to express him/herself physically presence cause is alway important to see those look on their faces. Thanks a lot sir for your awesome article and wish you more grace to actualize your dream and touch more life by fixing every broken relationships!!

  2. I’ve been one to avoid LDR because I couldn’t think of being away from my partner and because of what people say about it. But as I grew and learned to understand myself, people, situations and time,
    my perspective changed. I’ve been in SDRs and also in LDRs. I’m presently in a LDR. I’ve come to realize over time that it’s not actually the distance that is the challenge. It depends on the individuals involved, your personality, and your expectations. I’m an introvert and likes space, my partner is a business man and travels alot. Long or short distance, if there is mutual understanding, trust, love, you can work things out. He travels here to visit me, I also travel to meet him and we are okay with it. In every relationship, whether long or short there are sacrifices to be made -Monetary, time, emotional, physical etc. No relationship is easy, there are usually ups and downs. The bottom line is to know what you want. If you feel you cannot do LDR and don’t have the patience don’t start but if you think you can, then go for it if you think it’s worth it after counting all the cost.

  3. I really liked reading your post!. Quallity content. With such a valuable blog i believe you deserve to be ranking even higher in the search engines 🙂

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