Three years ago Lola (not real name) got engaged to one of her many suitors, Sam. Along the line Lola and her fiance discovered that their excitement about being engaged wasn’t the same as before the engagement.
Just when everyone was expecting to hear the big announcement of their wedding day, rumors started making the rounds that the relationship have been dissolved. The rumors were eventually confirmed by Lola who claimed she just doesn’t feel convinced enough about the engagement.
In this article, I am sharing four things to expect in your relationship as soon as you agree to marry each other.
1. Increase level of doubt: Doubts come up from time to time however it appears to be on the increase as soon as you become officially engaged.
They have nothing to do with cheating, question about your partners commitment level or even with you making a wrong decision, non of that.
You will ask yourself questions that might appear insignificant when viewed with an engagement ring already on your middle finger but they make lot of sense when analyzed with a life time in view.
It’s your heart seeking for strong reasons to lay hold on in case it gets questioned over and over how it is sure you made the right decision to get engaged to your fiance/fiancee.
The best you can do at this point is to create a convenient time to talk things over with your partner rather than submitting yourself to be run over by the wave of doubts flooding your heart.
This way you get the reassurance your heart direly needs to sustain till the D–day when your journey to forever after officially takes off.
2. Increase External Pressure: To avoid unnecessary external pressures, inform only the people who must know about your engagement.
These people include your parents/guardians, spiritual leader (if you’re the spiritual type) and your innermost circle of friends (inform these ones with warning note attached: we don’t want this public).
Other than the people mentioned above nobody else needs to know about your engagement, ideally.
However, in a generation cultured by social media, the next most important thing after getting or giving a YES is to flood social media with pre-engagement, engagement and post-engagement shoots.
Of course it’s fine to get your engagement trending on social media, Banky did. But be prepared for what follows as you end up creating extra channels for people to keep a close tab on your relationship progress, who cares?
Questions would be asked and gossip would spread if things don’t happen at the pace people expected.
Don’t be shocked if the people who got you trending turn out to be the same people spreading rumors about your engagement.
Your engagement is your personal business; not a “people” business and you’ll be wise to keep it personal to avoid unnecessary external pressure.
3. Individual Uniqueness Becomes A Big Issue: In the story this article opened with, one thing Sam loved about Lola before their engagement was her ability to question some of his decisions instead of just being a “baby-it’s-true” lady.
He saw this as a show of “smartness” and “confidence” but few weeks into engagement the same attributes became “controlling” and “possessive”.
Lola used to see Sam’s willingness to listen as “maturity” and “having a listening ear” but few weeks into engagement the same qualities became “irresponsible” and “lack of vision”.
Obviously, the period of engagement places a totally higher expectation on your relationship than when you were dating as things that hitherto didn’t matter are now big deals while the initial big deals now occupy the back seat.
One must be mentally and emotionally prepared for the period of engagement in order not to be surprised when the unforeseen begins to happen.
4. Reduced “Feelings” of Love: Feelings are bound to embark on a downward trend when the realities of engagement begin to take shape in partners.
Consequently, partners begin to feel (I meant to say feel) they don’t love each other any longer, which is not always true.
The period of engagement requires partners to harmonize individual goals, jointly set new goals and determine to take conscious actions to make the relationship work. Determination to make it work is what sustains a relationship during engagement, not just good feelings.
So, if you have given or gotten a YES, don’t get carried away just yet as there is still one last hurdle to scale before you officially become MR/Mrs. Brace up yourself for the emotional roller-coaster that is the period of engagement that way you’ll be on the driving seat instead of your emotion.
I’ll appreciate if you’d share your experiences with us If you are currently engaged or married. Thanks
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