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Striking a Balance between Loving Your Partner and “Close friends” of the Opposite Gender

Managing affection
Credit: Pexel

Balancing affection is one thing you will need to master if you are someone in a serious relationship but have other “intimate friends” in need of your attention so as to strike a healthy balance.

In my first venture into relationship, balancing affection was not one of the things I had to contend with because I had only one intimate friend, just one. If I feel lively, it was for her and if I feel otherwise it’s not because I was directing my affection to some other girl.

The story was the same in my first year in the university. I made a covenant with myself not to have anything to do with a girl in my first year, and I was true to my words.

However, in my second year, I decided it was time to have a befitting girl who will satisfy my yearning for love and care.

I remember in my very first lecture after resuming for second year first semester, I sat beside a lady in the class, liked her personality and engaged her in a light exchange around the lecture topic.

Two weeks later I asked her to be in a relationship with me. It took her more than four weeks to review my manifesto. I felt she was taking too long to make up her mind and decided to give myself an alternative in case she doesn’t come up with an expected response.

I met another girl in a spoken word class I attended, she’s quite attractive and with time there was mutual fondness between us.

My affection became something that needs to be shared between two hearts. So I needed to learn the difficult task of managing affections according to level of commitment. Then, I was a boy who just wanted to have his feel of the good life.

This struggle continued even after I got the response I needed from the first girl.

That’s the exact situation around many in a relationship today.  We have friend(s)  with whom we connect at a level beyond platonic even though we’re not officially in a relationship with them.

It’s important that all close relationship with members of opposite genders  are properly defined and every party placed in their rightful place when we’re in or going into a committed relationship so that you don’t end up sharing a portion of your heart reserved for your special one with “close friends”

This will make it appear like you’re in a relationship just for the sake of being in one meanwhile your affections are actually set somewhere else.


When you’re unable to manage affections correctly between people with whom you connect deeply emotional unfaithfulness sets in, this gradually matures into marital infidelity if not curtailed.

Hence the need to strike a  balance in your  emotional obligations is very important.

Here are 7 ways I reserve the bulk of my affections for my lady even though I have many “close friends” of the opposite gender in my friends list. I’m sure you will find them helpful as well in keeping your “close friends” at bay.

  1. Your relationship status must be declared to your “close friends” so everyone knows where they belong, perhaps someone is nursing an ambition.
  2. From time to time use every opportunity you get to reemphasize your status to your “close friends”. Don’t assume they remember
  3. Ensure at no point are you giving the privileges of a lover to your “close friends”
  4. Be emotionally available and accessible to the one you are committed to
  5. Assure and reassure the one you’re committed to of his place
  6. Draw a line in between the allowables and impermissibles for respective parties
  7. Be emotionally accountable to the one you’re committed to. No disguise

With these suggestions in place you would be able to communicate clearly where your heart belongs regardless of the presence of “close friends” in your life.

How do you strike a balance between “close friends” of opposite gender and your guy/lady? Share in the comment section.




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